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Wednesday's Words of Wisdom ~ Change is Good

Sue Lynn Perry Smith shares her Wednesday's Words of Widsom with us every first and third Wednesday of the month.  You can pick up more tidbits from Sue Lynn's Facebook group, Rodeo Queens Rule.

 In addition to death and taxes, one other thing is certain in life – that anxiety-producing, dreadful, horrible, wonderfully refreshing thing called “change.”  Everyone views life changes differently. Some folks get bored with the same old routine and look forward to experiencing a new chapter in life fairly often.  And, still others may view a routine as being less stressful and an easier approach to life.

But one truth about change is that it inherently promotes individual growth, whether by the positive aspects of change or the negative ones or both.

Change always produced a lot of anxiety for me. My family moved three times during my youth and most dreaded aspect of the change was having to begin again at a new school. The worst one of those experiences was having to change schools mid semester of my seventh grade year from North Little Rock, AR, to Ozark, AR.  It was a drastic change that seriously affected me socially and academically. I had a lot of trouble feeling as though I belonged in that community and additionally experienced difficulty in class.

Thankfully, we only lived in Ozark a short while before we moved to Millington, TN, in August 1977. It’s easy to remember the timing of the move since it was only two weeks before Elvis Presley died in neighboring Memphis, TN.

But looking back over those moving experiences, I realized that they pushed me out of my comfort zone and that had a profound effect on my early life.  I learned how to expect and manage such changes.

And since that time, there have many other changes to deal with, including starting high school, starting college, living away from home for the first time, being married, being divorced, starting new jobs and learning to live with the death of a parent.

Most changes we can manage on our own. But big changes, such as divorce, loss of a child or parent, loss of a job, can require the additional support of a friend, pastor or professional therapist.

Now, I really try to view any kind of change as an opportunity to grow and stretch outside my comfort zone.  Meaning the change may be uncomfortable at first, but the new challenge will eventually change the very fabric of who I am.  Even out of a very tragic change can bloom a new life.

So during the stable times of your life, don’t be leery of change just to maintain a stress free environment.  If after careful consideration, you think the timing is right for a change, go for it. Enjoy feeling the weight of a dusty routine fall off your shoulders and experience the exhilaration of a new challenge.

However, a caution; I don’t recommend multiple changes at one time because it can be overwhelming, but one moderate change or adjustment can be quite healthy.

Even if change is unexpected and not your choice, you can still choose to embrace it and get the most out of it, rather than allowing it to drag you down in stress.

By making friends with change, you will surely add another dimension to your life, making it fuller and more meaningful with lots of new memories to populate your mind.

 

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom ~ Withstanding the Criticism

Sue Lynn Perry Smith shares her Wednesday's Words of Widsom with us every first and third Wednesday of the month.  You can pick up more tidbits from Sue Lynn's Facebook group, Rodeo Queens Rule.

Have you ever won a title and later found yourself isolated from fellow competitors and friends?  Instead of being congratulated and supported for your accomplishment, you experienced the sting of negative energy? Maybe you even lost a good friend in the process?  If so, you are not alone. Unfortunately, this phenomenon is fairly common in competitive environments. But you don’t have to let it get you down and ruin what should be a happy time in your life.

I have a very famous nephew. He has been working professionally in the entertainment industry since age 12. He is now 30 years old and known worldwide.  One of the most interesting observations of his climb to fame has been the variety of ways people have responded to his success, including people who have known him his entire life to complete strangers.  And that model can be scaled up to include the variety of ways people respond to the success of anyone at every level from rodeo queens to pop stars.

Of course, my nephew’s family and good friends have been supportive of his success. And certainly anyone who has benefited financially from his talent has been supportive of him as well.  But there have been varying levels of dislike to downright hatred from people who barely know him or don’t know him at all. They’ve formulated their opinion based on what?  I believe their opinion is based on what they see publicly and the remainder is perhaps filled in by what they assume.  And that assumption bubbles up from their personal psychology.

There is a saying that explains that the reason people dislike you is because they either want to BE you OR they actually dislike themselves OR they see you as a threat of some kind. In terms of my nephew, one explanation is that consumers of his music may confuse their opinion of his product with their opinion of him personally. But if you don’t know him personally, how can you have an accurate opinion of him as a person? Still many people do make judgments about public figures without really knowing them well at all.   And I consider rodeo queen titleholders to be public figures.

What about criticism or rejection from a more familiar crowd – friends and family members or colleagues? Unfortunately, it is natural for weak-minded people to project their own miscalculations onto other people.

For instance, how many thousands of young people try to break into the entertainment industry every year and don’t make it.  Not because they lack talent but perhaps the timing isn’t right or they haven’t met the right person. Or perhaps they haven’t fine-tuned their act well enough yet.  Enough failures can make a person bitter about seeing others succeed. And naturally occurring personal insecurities can have the same effect. This dynamic among humans is extremely common and should be considered in advance by anyone interested in becoming a leader in any field.

Part of being a leader is facing adversity and criticism. And a good leader is not thrown off course by adverse conditions or negative energy.  In larger terms, have you ever thought about the amount of criticism the President of the United States must endure?  A candidate must have a tough skin to take on the most challenging job in the world and hear criticism from people daily that don’t understand the full scope of the job.

The same is true of many highly visible positions. Being a public figure comes with many rewards but also comes with the high price of criticism from folks who may or may not have all the facts available to formulate an accurate opinion. Yes, even serving as a rodeo queen can be difficult in terms of support from many concentric circles of concern, ranging from your family to complete strangers.

Bottom line is that you shouldn’t be discouraged if you experience negative energy from a sister or a best friend or a fellow competitor or anyone. Understand that you are not responsible for another person’s feelings and attitude. They make a choice to feel and behave as they do. Tearing you down is a poor approach to building themselves up. You were selected for a reason. You’re responsibility is to fulfill your commitment as a titleholder or leader to the best of your ability and to enjoy your time in the spotlight.

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom ~ Stress for Success

Sue Lynn Perry Smith shares her Wednesday's Words of Widsom with us every first and third Wednesday of the month.  You can pick up more tidbits from Sue Lynn's Facebook group, Rodeo Queens Rule.

I always wondered why some folks are a furnace of ambition while others are quite satisfied to spend hours watching television and squeak by on a modest wage.  While there are several possible factors, including education level, socio-economic level, energy level and family environment, I think for many folks the answer lies somewhere in their ability to manage stress and perform under pressure.

There may have been early life experiences that forged a certain relationship with stress. For instance, having to give a speech in front of a class may have proven to be too much for one child while the attention was gratifying for another child.

Or, struggling to keep good grades may have created a mouthful of fever blisters and some hair loss for one child but created a sense of accomplishment for another child.

I think these childhood responses to stress have much to do with choices made as an adult as to whether he or she will shy away from stressful situations or thrive in them.

Consider that to hold a high stakes job, such as a doctor, nurse or pharmacist, not only requires the mental toughness to get through school but also the ability to work everyday knowing that a mistake could cost a life.

Being a business owner is a highly stressful lifestyle too, from dealing with legal issues, to employee problems to customer satisfaction.  It is not for the faint of heart.

Conversely, I think some really talented folks shy away from the spotlight simply because they never conquered their fears and learned to manage stress. Or perhaps they mimic stress avoidance skills demonstrated by their parents.

I believe the ability to manage stress and perform under pressure has everything to do with a person’s likelihood of succeeding.  Yes, there are other factors, but I think you can have the education, the funding, the support, the energy and the opportunity and still fail if that ability to manage stress is not developed.

So how does this notion of stress management relate to rodeo queens? I see a very direct relationship.

One of my past titleholders, now a successful pharmacist, mentioned to me how easy her admission process seemed to be gaining entrance to the University of Tennessee College of Pharmacy.  My sister, too, is a graduate of UT Pharmacy, and testifies that it really is not easy to gain admission there due to the rigorous application and interview process.

This former queen gave much of the credit for acceptance to UT and later her graduation to her year serving as Miss Rodeo Tennessee.  I think her words were “after my reign, I have developed a new threshold for stress.”

During her reign she perfected skills on how to interview, how to prepare, how to perform, how to be independent, how to travel, how to be resourceful, how to solve problems and how to keep on smiling and serving well no matter what.

In fact, several of my past Miss Rodeo Tennessee titleholders are highly successful today. In addition to the pharmacist mentioned, the list includes a registered nurse, a veterinarian, a domestic violence shelter coordinator, a couple of business professionals and a photographer operating her own studio.

It’s all to their credit for pursuing a dream and getting the most out of that experience.  It’s no coincidence that many state and national titleholders carry their experience and developed skills right into their professional and family lives.

In a recent family discussion about our third generation of competitive horse showing, my nephew asked “why does our family show horses?”

My answer was fairly simple. “You may not make a living in the horse business, but being competitive with horses or any sport will help you develop the mental skills you need to succeed in life.

“You are learning how to be disciplined and responsible. You are learning how to prepare and train for competition. You are learning how to handle both winning and defeat. You are learning how to handle stress, and this kind of stress is not too different from the kind of stress you will experience later in life. It’s just the stakes are usually higher as you get older.

“Being able to manage your stress and perform under pressure will play a major role in your level of success as an adult.  Competing on horses gives you a place to develop those skills in a non-critical area of your life.

“And the really cool part is that while most of your friends are learning these skills through the very commonplace outlets of baseball or football or soccer or basketball, you get to learn in a very unique and special environment – on horses!”

That’s why I believe competing in the arena or on stage or on a court or a field is such a great experience for young people, even if there is no realistic future as a professional athlete. The skill of managing stress and performing under pressure will be of great value in college, on the job and in every corner of adult life.

My advice to goal setters -- don’t avoid stress. It is a natural part of any successful life. Just learn to manage it well.

Some basic tips on managing stress

• Get moving and get your blood pumping every day.
• Get a quality professional massage once monthly from a licensed massage therapist.
• Eat a balanced diet and stay hydrated.
• Get plenty of rest.
• Take breaks during the workday, training day, or study day  -- a short walk will do.
• Listen to relaxing music whenever you can.
• Humor is a great tool for managing stress. Incorporate it into your day.
• Be a person of your word.
• Learn to say no to activities.  There are only so many hours in the day and one person can't do everything.
  
• Know you’re physical and mental limits – don’t cross that line.
• If you have difficulty with anxiety or depression, seek professional guidance.
• Don’t tolerate feeling bad. Feeling strong and healthy is a priority.
• Protect and build on key relationships with family and friends.
• If you are a spiritual person, absolutely make time for worship, prayer and meditation.
• Forgiveness releases a lot of stress.
• Avoid debt!
• Be a conduit of love – give and receive.

Wednesday's Words of Wisdom ~ Building Emotional Muscle

Sue Lynn Perry Smith shares her Wednesday's Words of Widsom with us every first and third Wednesday of the month.  You can pick up more tidbits from Sue Lynn's Facebook group, Rodeo Queens Rule.

Something I’ve noticed over the years of producing and directing rodeo queen pageants, is that it’s fairly easy for me to spot the contestants that have significant experience in judged competition and those who do not.

It is apparent to me that those with judged competition experience are more comfortable and realistic about their goals and how to achieve them. Typically, they are better prepared mentally for any outcome; have a deeper appreciation for a win and are more likely to turn a loss into a learning experience and take it in stride onto the next contest.

I say that is due to a kind of “emotional muscle” that gets developed over time from competing – both successfully and unsuccessfully – in the judged arena, which can include horse shows, regular pageants, talent competitions, public speaking contests or anything in which the opinion of a judge or panel of judges determines the winner.

I am a strong proponent of judged competition. It yields a lot of benefit to young people trying to learn a craft or excel at a sport. But even more importantly, in my opinion, judged competition is an excellent training ground for life.

Of course I think the most helpful kind of judged competition is the fair kind, in which the scoring system, the judge selection, the contestant draw and such things are all handled in a fair manner. 

However, I think there are great learning experiences to be had from unfair competition too. After all, life isn’t fair sometimes.  We should learn to navigate either scenario with grace and get a jump on achieving a successful personal and professional life as well.

So if you’ve only run against a clock in your competitive life or perhaps have no competitive experience at all, you may be at a disadvantage emotionally when competing against contestants from judged backgrounds.

Yes, I’ve seen first-time queen contestants with only trail riding experience win rodeo queen contests.  And, often those winners will not have the respect for the title as much as a fellow contestant who has entered three times and finally won.

I’ve seen those first-time winners enter an additional contest later and not win. It turns into a huge reality check for them, and I’m always curious to see if she will learn from the experience and take it in stride or decide that “rodeo queening is just not for me,” which is code for “if I can’t win every time I’m just not going to enter anymore.”

When I judge a rodeo queen pageant, I’m always curious to know which contestants have entered more than one time. Typically, those are the contestants who really want the job, if they’re willing to learn from past failures and take it in stride onto the next goal.

That is the kind of emotional muscle I look for in a rodeo queen.

Of course, sometimes those ladies that enter two and three years in a row still can’t quite rise to the top, but they always get my attention and respect for continuing to try hard.

Learning that every judged competition is determined by the opinion of a person or panel is key. You asked for that opinion by entering the contest. So you can’t really complain about that opinion. Just remember, the next contest will have a different judge or panel of judges with different opinions and probably a different outcome.

Entering a judged competition takes tremendous courage. Give yourself more than one chance to realize your goals, if they’re really important to you, that is, and all the while you'll be gaining a wealth of experience and building your emotional muscle.

 

Wednesday's Words of Widsom ~ Don't Leave Any Points at the Trailer

The saying “don’t leave any points at the trailer” has become a friendly family slogan that began several years ago, when my young nephews Jonathan and Stephen Timberlake were learning to show their horses in reining and horsemanship classes at the Saturday night circuit shows.

Practically every Saturday night during the hot humid summers in Arkansas, the boys would invariably ask if it was necessary to wear their chaps in the show ring. Being the self appointed “director of appearance” for Team Timberlake, I always said “yes you should wear your chaps because we don’t want to leave any points at the trailer.” To me, the chaps equated to possible points, unwritten or written, by the judge.

The same logic was used when the show team didn’t want to take the time to weave in the tail extension, or paint the hooves, or apply the Show Sheen, or wear the freshly pressed shirt, or clean the saddle.

My view is that if you have a can of Pepi spray in the trailer, why not use it? If you spend the fuel money and a perfectly good Saturday afternoon to show, then do it right!

In any judged situation, including horse shows and rodeo queening, you want to use all the tools and resources available to you to make a good impression.

There is a subconscious message being sent and received when a contestant enters the arena (or stage) that is very visual.  When the judge first lays eyes on the contestant, he or she makes an immediate assessment as to whether that contestant looks like he or she came to win or not. If the contestant looks serious about competing, then typically the judge will be serious about watching.

Also, I think being fully turned out for the competition is a sign of respect for the event, the fellow contestants and the judge.

Most women know that there is no quicker way to establish your place in the competitive hierarchy than by your appearance. Of course, great appearance must be quickly followed up by great skill, or else the attention won by the nice appearance will be lost by the failure to perform well.

So if you’re going to compete in a judged event, strive for the best in every area. Why would you invest a lot of time and money in professional training and expensive clothes and then show up in dirty boots and unstyled hair with no lipstick on?

Your appearance is something you have total control over. Why not go all the way with it?  You have a lot of control over your knowledge of the sport. Why not go to great lengths to study and learn everything you can about it? You have total control over the content and presentation of a speech. Why not prepare so that you could say that speech backwards while standing on your head?

Leave no stone unturned. Leave no resource untapped. Use every tool at your disposal. Have no regrets after a competition – know that you did your due diligence in preparing.

Being relentless on preparation won’t guarantee a win but it will certainly increase your chances of winning.

Today, my nephews don’t ask if they have to wear their chaps – they just do it. They always wear pressed shirts and put adhesive in their hats to keep them on during fast sliding stops. They do a good job of coordinating shirts, chaps, hats and blankets to look good together. And I don’t have to follow them with a groom bag anymore (much).

I have confidence the boys will do well in the appearance department as well as the performance department. So these days, I can just enjoy watching them compete and win. They’ve finally learned why we don’t leave points at the trailer.

About the Author: Sue Lynn Perry Smith of Tennessee began riding as a young child in Arkansas and earned her first rodeo queen title, Ozark Rodeo Queen, in 1977.  She continued riding after her family moved to Tennessee competing in western pleasure, horsemanship,and reining, barrel racing, pole bending, goat tying and cutting events.  She represented Tennessee at the National High School Rodeo Finals as the Tennessee High School Rodeo Queen in 1979 and 1981 as well as at the Miss Rodeo America Pageant in 1985 as Miss Rodeo Tennessee.  A believer in the positive influence rodeo queen pageants can have on young women Sue Lynn continued her involvement in pageants directing the Tennessee High School Rodeo Pageant from 1990-1995 and the Miss Rodeo Tennessee Pageant from 1995-2008.  She  has served on the National Advisory Council for the Miss Rodeo America Pageant until 2002, when she was elected to the MRAP Executive Board of Directors by the National Directors. She served on the MRA Executive Board for 7 years and carried the roles of secretary and vice president during her tenure. She served as media committee chairperson for the MRAP for 11 years.  She has judged numerous rodeo queen pageants judged include the National High School Rodeo Queen Contest, Dixie National Queen Contest, Tennessee High School Rodeo Queen Contest, Tennessee Jr. Rodeo Queen Contest and nine State Miss Rodeo Pageants.  She has also served as a member of the Mid-South Rodeo Queen Pageant and of the AutoZone Rodeo committee in Memphis as well as the coordinator for the ProRodeo USA rodeo in Millington, TN and .

Sue Lynn attended Memphis State University earning a B.A. in journalism. In 1998, she earned her M.A. in film and video production from the University of Memphis and has worked in many phases of the film and video production business, including feature movies, commercials, corporate videos, local news and television programs. Today she is production manager for Running Pony Productions in Memphis, TN, an Emmy awarding winning video production company.  She continues her equestrian involvement by helping her nephews compete in National Reining Horse Association, American Quarter Horse Association and the United States Equestrian Federation reining events.

Sue Lynn will be sharing her Wednesday Words of Wisdom the first and third Wednesdays of each month.  You can also follow her on her Facebook Community, Rodeo Queens Rule.

How's your attitude?

This past week my friend Alicia shared a link on Facebook to SmartPak's blog.  The post topic was "Attitude Do's and Don'ts" and as I read through the advice I thought about how these wise words could be transferred to the rodeo queen pageant experience.  There are just three short do's and don'ts in this blog post but if taken to heart they can have a big impact not only on your rodeo queen and riding experiences but on your life in general.

Attitde Do's and Don'ts

Best of luck as you pursue your rodeo queen dreams!

~ Bobbie

 

Entering the Rodeo Queen Pageant

Rodeo queens have been reigning over rodeos for many years.  Their role has evolved from a pretty girl on horseback to a "total package" public relations ambassador for the sport.  Entering a pageant and holding a title can provide many life skill experiences for today's young cowgirl.

In some areas rodeo queen pageants are a dime a dozen while in others finding one may be like finding the proverbial needle in a haystack.  The internet is a great resource and the RodeoRoyalty.com Yahoo! Group has a pageant calendar with contact information included.  The group can also be used to post a message to over 1,000 members about pageants in your area.  Many states that have a state pageant program affiliated with the Miss Rodeo America pageant often have local pageant information on their websites.  To find a list of those affiliates visit the Miss Rodeo America site.  There are also many pageant organizations with a presence on Facebook.

Once you have found a pageant to enter don't be afraid to make a list of questions for the coordinator.  The more you know going into the pageant the better prepared you'll be to compete for the title.  Also, while most coordinators do a really good job of sharing information about their program they are still human and don't always anticipate every question.  Here some questions you may start with:

• What are the dates of the pageant and what is the entry deadline?
• Will contestants stay with each other during the course of the competition or can they stay with family?  If they stay together are the hotel costs included in the entry fee?
• What type of clothing is required for the competition?  Will contestants be wearing jeans all of the time or will a dress be needed for a fashion show?
• Are horses provided for the horsemanship competition or do contestants provide their own, and if so will they trade horses with another contestant during the competition?
• What are the duties of the new queen once the pageant is over?  If travel is required who pays for it and is fundraising allowed?
• Will the title allow you entry into other pageants? (such as Miss Rodeo America or Miss Rodeo USA)
• Are ticket sales required and if so are they part of the final scoring or a separate competition and not part of the final score?

When contacting a coordinator it's important to make a good first impression.  If you call the coordinator remember that you are making a business phone call and speak politely and avoid stammering around. If you reach an answering machine simply say hello, who you are, that you are interested in the rodeo queen pageant and to please call you at this number.  It is helpful to leave your number twice for the coordinator and speak slowly.  Contacting a coordinator via email is also a business contact. Be polite, use good grammar and punctuation and be specific as to what you are requesting.  Include your mailing address and a phone number where you can be reached.

Once you receive the packet read through each and EVERY piece of information included.  I'm always amazed at the number of contestants who enter a pageant and have never read the contract that was included.  This is a legally binding contract and you MUST understand each and every part of it.  As you read through the rulebook and other information use a highlighter to mark important areas and write down any questions you have.  Do not be afraid to call the coordinator with any questions.  Good coordinators do not mind having to answer questions, but you may want to limit your calls or emails to one a day.

Seeking out former contestants, titleholders and parents for their advice is also a great way to have your questions answered.  They are a valuable tool with personal insight to the pageant process.  The caveat to this is to not base your decision on the words of just one person.  There will always be those who have a fabulous time each and every time they compete and there are those that almost always come away with a sour taste in their mouth about the outcome.  

The next step in becoming a rodeo queen is the submission of your application followed by your preparation.  Future articles will address applications, photogenic photos and each aspect of the rodeo queen competition.  Until then, best of luck to you as you pursue your rodeo queen dreams!

~ Bobbie